Or, Who Is an Elder?
We often think of family elders as the keepers of family history, but do we think to ask aunts, uncles, siblings and cousins what they recall about our families?
I recently had an experience that opened my eyes to the need to quiz every family member who will sit still for it, to ask about family history.
My uncle, who is only a few years my elder, came to visit me and in a back-porch conversation, the topic turned to my grandmother. We were talking about different jobs my grandmother held and my uncle said, “It is amazing to me how much she accomplished with a 5th grade education.”
WHAT? I shook my head like I was shaking out cobwebs.
“What?”
“Did you say?”
“It is amazing to me how much she accomplished with a 5th grade education” came the answer.
At that moment my memory flashed to my grandmother telling me that when she started 6th grade, she was put back to 5th grade because she did not speak English. What I didn’t know is that she never went back.
My family is Cajun French. My grandmother’s birth record states that she was born “in the bayou near…”
She was the keeper of the family history and of our Cajun culture. From the time I could talk she was teaching me to count to 10 in French (the only French I now know). When she was cooking, she would pull a chair up to the stove, lift me onto it and start: “First you brown your onions…” I must have been 5 or so.
My grandmother died in 1976. Now, as an adult, I wish I had paid more attention to the things she was intent on passing on to me.
It never occurred to me to ask her son, my uncle, who is barely 12 years older than me, about what she taught to him.
Above: Me, My Uncle, My Grandmother and My Sister, about 1964
That back-porch epiphany woke me up, gave me a much deeper respect for my grandmother for the challenges she faced, and gave me a deeper understanding of the importance of learning and preserving our family history before it slips away.
Guess who I am interviewing for StoryCorps’ National Day of Listening?
I am the sister in the photo and I remember that our grandmother told me once she learned English, at 14 years old, she helped translate catechism classes ( Catholic Studies ) to the children who did not yet speak English.
She also taught me how to cook, from the ripe age of 5, the same way, by pulling a chair up to the stove and letting me do each step by myself with her just telling the instructions. Being Cajun, the first thing taught, of course, was how to make a roux and knowing when it was "just right". Anyone that knows about making a roux can tell you that there is a fine line between "just right" and burned! Even though I was only 5, I never forgot that lesson.
When we are young we don't realize the importance of the knowledge passed on to us by our elders, but as we grow older and wiser we treasure this knowledge.
So true Sissie. Thank you for commenting! :0)
It sounds like your cousin is a good one to interview. 12 years is much more time when you are a child than it is when you are grown.
Yes, Kristin, I am now determined to learn and preserve our family's oral history. Thank YOU for your wonderful blog post, I really enjoyed reading it!
Great story.
Thank you so much San, and thank you for two wonderful stories!
Toni :0)
Even neighbors who lived around our elders have a story to tell . I met a enderly man who actually remembered my mother and had went to school with her. Thanks Toni
That is so true Vicky, you never know who may have knowledge of your family, amazing!
Toni :0)
Toni, those back-porch conversations are the best! Nuggets of useful information casually tossed out to whoever would listen. The cooking lessons are also precious! I love it!
Thank you for everything!
Peace & Blessings,
"Guided by the Ancestors"
Thank YOU George, for hosting the carnival. It has been a wonderful experience!
Toni :0)
This is a wonderful story, and sounds like your grandmother spent quality time with you. It also reminds us that we should interview other family members besides our elders because they may have other perspectives an have been handed down some oral history. I love the part about being taught to cook.